coming back

I have not come here for long. The main reason is my having no access to the blogspot -- it has been blocked in China mainland. Thanks to 朱靖君, who is one of my previous classmates and studies computer science in Tsinghua, I can come here again using Firefox. I think I will keep using blogspot -- moving to another blog website is tiresome. Of course, this would reduce the number of readers substantially. But I don't think there is much room for the reduction -- it does not have many readers from the beginning. (actually, I have to say, Da is my biggest and best reader. So, never mind.) (If convenient, I will store a copy in my msn space when I write something here in the future)

Summer vacation has been its midway. In the past one month or so, I mainly kept doing my project on miRNA structure. To be honest, it is not fun, because its conceptual requirements are low and I mainly deal with technical stuff. Nevertheless, it does benefit me in some aspects, the most important one being strenthening my programming skills. I have a lot of programming practice throughout the project and I think I am not a low-level perl programmer anymore. However, due to the limited range of the tasks given by the project, I have not been given the opportunities of learning some advanced features, such OO programming. I do hope that I can get strengthened in these aspects.

Another weakness of mine exposed by the project is using softwares and numerical methods. An example: I have thought out a probability model of quantifying a biological process (it is simple, but I am proud of myself since it is my first time successfully applying statistical principles to biology), the results of which need first getting the likelihood function via symbolic calculations and second getting the MLEs of parameters. The first step is best implemented in software like matlab and second step seems solvable only through numerical methods. However, I know little of both of them previously. (I don't know how to do the second taks even now, since Wu Laoshi told me to write a simple descriptive paper, which does not involve the probability model.) Anyway, I think through this project, I know better what I have to learn in the future. (actually, Da has told me nearly three years ago the importance of using softwares)

I will spend some days more to give an end to this project. My state is just soso these days, and I have to adjust myself to my best.

What is coming is rather exciting. First, Wu Laoshi told me to do something on Drosophila genome analysis, which is more relevant to speciation theory. Although it has a technical beginning(it seems that I have to learn some bioinformatic techiniques before starting the analysis), on the whole it is more theoretical than what I am doing. Second, the lab gets bigger as two abroad students just came back (曾凯&贺雄雷). Their focuses are theoretical population genetics and regulatory networks, respectively, and they do very well at them. I am sincerely pleased that the laboratorial environment gets more nurturing.

It is just three months or so to my application. I have not thought about the application details and the schools yet. I just first do my science well and then think about the rest. Perhaps in the last days of the summer vacation, I can spend some time on them.

A bit ashamed to admit, I am still wavering on whether to continue studying for second degree of statistics. The main reasons include: 1, if I want my research exprience to be richer, I'd better spend more time doing research in the coming semester. However, if I take mathematical and statistical courses in the coming semester, the course load would be rather heavy. Plus the application process which may be time-consuming, I doubt if I can handle them. 2, most of the courses in zsu suck. I think it may not be a bad choice that I wait for one year more and take similar courses at US which are supposed to be much better. Furthermore, self-study is not bad. I will see if 曾凯 can guide me in research and then make the decision.

Most of my college classmates graduated and choose to find a job. Some of them find lucrative jobs and make big money, which will translate into comfortable lives in the near future. To me, this is a time when I reflect upon my passion on nature and science, and more importantly, have some adjustments on the attitude towards research. To outsiders, what a scientist or researcher stands for are their publications and astonishing discoveries, just like we think of the principle of natural selection when talking about Charles Darwin, or the law of relativity when referring to Albert Einstein. However, to the scientists themselves, their lives may be constituted by the small pieces of mirth brought by every small progress and discovery. It is the mirth and the sense of fulfilment that bind them to research. However, if the focus has shifted to publication or title, as is abounding currently, they have degraded to the level of politicians or businessmen.

Of course, everyone is seeking for happiness. To me, the happiness brought by research results is more substantial than by making money or something. We all have our life once; some may desparately want to have something, while some may wish to leave something. It is a rule that human history remembers most clearly scientists, thinkers and artists. Most of the plutocrats disappear without a trace on history.